There are times when every athlete snaps mentally. Be it crying, yelling, moaning, or curling up into a ball and taking a nap by the side of the trail, everyone has a breaking point.
I'm notorious for avoiding this moment. I push myself, but not since I took the VO2 Max test did I feel like I was going to physically throw up due to my intense exertion. And that was done in a controlled, lab environment, where all I had to do was wave my hand (literally), and the pain would vanish at the touch of a button. Beep! Off goes the treadmill, down goes my pulse.
Today, I reached that moment.
I used this week to really get to know my bike. Fall over on it, go downhill on it (25mph!), take it around town and out in the country, climb a few hills, switch to the big ring, switch to my small ring, stand up, draft, learn hand signals and voice cues for riding in a group. All in all I've had a grand time.
Today marked my one week anniversary on Vincent (as I've thus dubbed my Masi). I planned to ride with my awesome Winston Salem crew for a ~30 mile loop to a local summit climb called Sauertown Tower road. I had not actually planned on riding up to the peak, but to wait at the bottom at a warehouse while everyone else had a grueling ascent and a zoomie descent.
The ride there was awesome. A little busy traffic wise, but flattish, and I felt like the pace was a bit quicker than it had been on my GSO country ride the previous day.
Then things started to get a little more upssie downsie. Everytime we hit a climb, I clicked it into the smallest gear and pedaled my tukus off. And everytime, my heartrate jumped up like a couch potato running their first mile. My legs hurt, yes, but my heart. That burned.
What also jumped? The little dial of my comfort zone. Notch by notch. Hill by hill. Heartbeat by heartbeat.
So when we suddenly turned left, and immediately began a very long, very steep, very long, very long (did I say it was long?) uphill, I knew something was amiss.
Wait....didn't we pass a warehouse a few seconds ago? Wasn't that Sauertown Tower Rd on that sign back there?
Check and check.
As I gazed into the abyss that awaited me, one thought shot into my mind: I can't do this.
Normally I reject such a thought, but panic started to take over. One of my fellow riders circled back to make sure I was ok. This is what happened:
- Hey, Sophie, how you doing, you going to the top?
- No
- You can do this.
- No ::gasp::
- How are your legs?
- How much longer ::gasp:: does this go up for?
- About another mile or so
- I ::gasp:: can't ::gasp:: do ::gasp:: this ::gasp::
- It's not that much farther, push through
- I JUST RAN A MARATHON TWO WEEKS AGO I CANNOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! ::GASPGASPGASP::
- Ok. How about to the next pole there. Can you do that?
- .....Yes. ::gasp:: Yes, I can do that...
- Good! How about to that green box? That's the start of the first switchback, you can make it there, just keep going, you're doing great.
Suffice to say, I made it to the green box. I did not make it to the top.
Can you see where the meltdown occurred?
In retrospect, I do feel bad that I snapped. On the other hand, I'm amazingly lucky to have friends to ride with who completely understand what snapping is like. They know (or will know after reading this blog) that people don't snap at other people. The snap is internal. They just happen to get the receiving end. It's not them. It's you.
And sometimes, you need to be snapped. I'm lucky to have friends who are willing to push me to my limits without dragging me over them. (please friends, do not drag me over them)
When I finally returned to the car, after a very hilly return which included a steep climb to the parking lot, where I then almost fell off the bike due to sudden exhaustion (almost), I felt at peace. Not triumphant, not defeated. Endowed with a concrete gauge of my starting point. What I can, and cannot, handle right now. GI Joe said it best: Knowing is half the battle.
I know my breaking point, now. This is not like when I fell at Uwharrie. That was due to improper nutrition, poor planning, and stupidity. This was purely skill and endurance and muscle fitness. And yes, mental toughness as well. Without snapping, I wouldn't know what to aspire to. Now I do.
Sauertown Tower Rd? Watch out. By July. Game on.
PS - Sat to Sat miles logged: 109 Not bad for the first week!
No comments:
Post a Comment